So, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck? The answer is: as much as a woodchuck would chuck, or none, depending on the weather. It’s a linguistic koan, a joke that doesn’t need a punchline. It’s like asking a tree if it’s tired of standing—the tree just shrugs.
Next time someone asks you this, smile knowingly. Say, “about 700 pounds, if they’re union.” Then watch them think you’re a genius. Or, just say, “I don’t know, but I bet it’s more wood than a beaver would beaver if a beaver could beaver beavers.” Confuse them further. That’s the way of the chuck.
And if anyone gets angry, just remind them: it’s just a silly rhyme, and the woodchuck doesn’t care. The woodchuck is too busy digging a hole to your soul. And stealing your chips at 2 a.m.
