Let’s be honest: the real winner of DWTS 2026 was us. We got to see a plumber nearly win a dance competition, a hologram haunt our dreams, and Regina Rodriguez prove that gymnasts can do anything—including crying while holding a perfect posture.
Regina’s victory speech was pure gold. She said, “I’d like to thank my parents, my coach, and the two expresso shots I took before the paso doble.” She then lifted the Mirrorball over her head and accidentally bopped Dmitry in the nose. He bled glitter. I am not making this up.
So, what’s next for Queen Regina? A food network show, a dance tour, and—according to her Instagram—a bid to do the samba on the moon. With Elon Musk watching, probably. And winning.
But remember, folks: in 2026, a hologram came third, a plumber nearly won, and a woman who can twerk while doing a plié is your champion. Dancing With the Stars is officially unhinged. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to practice the “Pipe Wrench Pivot” in my living room. Kenji for president 2028!
