Let’s be honest: The name Dante Bichette sounds like a character from a telenovela. You can picture him in a white linen suit, sipping caipirinhas, and declaring eternal love to a woman named Isadora. In reality, he was just a guy crushing fastballs for the Colorado Rockies in the 1990s, wearing a uniform that looked like it was designed by a confused circus.
There’s also the famous “Blake Street Bombers” era of the Rockies. That crew—Bichette, Larry Walker, Vinny Castilla—was so explosive they could’ve been mistaken for a Brazilian samba drum line. But no, they were just hitting dingers in thin air at Coors Field. The only thing Brazilian about that stadium was the humidity.
A Quick Rabbit Hole: The Real Brazilians in MLB
If you want actual Brazilian baseball players, there aren’t many. Yan Gomes is one—he was born in São Paulo. Also, Paulo Orlando, who once hit for the cycle while probably thinking about churrascos. So if you see a Brazilian in MLB, he’s likely a catcher or an outfielder with a last name like “Orlando,” not “Bichette.”
Bo Bichette wants to join brother on Team Brazil
This is the point where I should also mention that Dante Bichette’s full first name is Dante Alphonse. That’s not Italian in a clever way—it’s just more French and Italian, further pushing Brazil out of the picture. Sorry, conspiracy theorists.
