Stage One: The Optimistic Cluster. You arrive at the meeting point, fresh-faced, holding a sign that says “Wakanda Forever” or “Honk If You’re Also Confused.” You see 50 people, three dogs, and a guy with a drum. You feel powerful. You check your phone: “March starting soon!” you text. You are lying.
Stage Two: The Purposeless Wandering. No one is in charge. Or everyone is in charge. A woman with a clipboard looks at the crowd like a wizard deciphering ancient runes. Someone shouts, “Are we waiting for the busses?” There are no busses. There are never busses. The march will start when the sun aligns with the nearest taco truck.
Stage Three: The False Start. The front of the crowd pushes forward. You take three steps. Everyone claps. Then you stop. A police cruiser has politely asked them to hold for a “logistical readjustment.” You suspect this is a polite way of saying “the port-a-potties are still being delivered.”
LIST: Sunrise, sunset times as days get longer | Toledo, Ohio | wtol.com
The Surprising Science of March Timing
Historians have found that the question “What time is the march?” predates the smartphone. In 1913, the Woman Suffrage Procession in Washington had a published start time of 3 PM. They stepped off at 3:15, which is basically military precision for a protest. But here’s the kicker: the actual parade route was 8 miles long, and 5,000 women marched in high heels or corsets. That’s less a march and more a slow, furious fashion show.
Today, we have the reverse problem. Technology means we can see the march’s GPS location in real time. So instead of asking, you track a blue dot on your phone. You watch the blue dot linger at a donut shop for 12 minutes. You wonder if the blue dot is having a crisis. You are the blue dot’s spiritual support animal.
Another weird truth: Most marches are intentionally scheduled late to maximize crowd size. If the flyer says 10 AM, organizers expect the bulk of people to arrive by 11. It’s called “lazy wave timing,” and it’s a thing. You are not late. You are strategically tardy.
