You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a couple take a photo in front of the giant Christmas tree, only for the boyfriend to accidentally step backward into a puddle of melted snow. His laugh was louder than the carolers. Meanwhile, a pack of teenage girls are taking selfies with the river backdrop, rotating like synchronized swimmers.
Then there’s the guy in the reindeer antler headband who is way too into the carnival game where you toss rings onto bottles. He missed every throw, but his girlfriend cheered like he’d won the lottery. That’s the vibe—nobody cares about the stuff. It’s about the stupid, warm moments you can’t recreate.
That One Weird Stall You Can’t Forget
Every good market has a stall that makes you say, “What in the holiday is this?” At Winter By The River, it’s the booth selling hand-carved wooden phones. Yes, phones. They’re not functional. They just sit there, looking like a Viking’s version of an iPhone. I asked the vendor why, and he said, “So you can put down your real phone and connect with nature.” I bought one. It’s now a paperweight that makes my desk smell vaguely of birch.
London’s Most Scenic Christmas Market 🎄 | Exploring Winter By The River
Another stall sells candles that smell like “Campfire and Regret.” I refuse to learn what that means. There’s also a woman who knits sweaters for dogs that look like tiny lumberjacks. My neighbor’s poodle now owns one. He looks more stylish than I do.
