If you’re already trembling at the thought of a four-month Thorpe-free winter, calm down. You can still visit their gift shop online and buy a rubber chicken keyring. Or you could take up a hobby—like knitting a scarf that says “I survived The Smiler,” even though you’ve never been to Alton Towers. The point is, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and also makes you forget how bad your thighs hurt after riding Nemesis Inferno.
Most importantly, remember: Thorpe Park’s winter shutdown is a favor to you. It stops you from becoming a human icicle, and it gives the maintenance team time to invent new ways to scare you. When the park reopens in late March or early April, you’ll feel like a kid on Christmas morning—if Christmas involved a 130-foot drop and the smell of stale popcorn. So hug your duvet, stare at your holiday photos, and know that the Scream Machine will roar again soon enough.
And if you really can’t wait? Go watch a video of Stealth’s launch in slow motion. It’s basically the same thing, but with 10% less windburn and 100% fewer queuing arguments. You’re welcome.
