Option A: Become Very Famous, Very Quickly. This is the most reliable method. Play a mediocre guitar riff on TikTok, go viral, get a record deal, and by October, you’re on Jools’s sofa. Simple. If you can’t do that by lunchtime, try Option B.
Option B: The “Friend of a Friend” Gambit. Do you know a session musician? A sound engineer? The bloke who sells Jools his stage shoes? Anyone. Call in every favour you’ve ever owed. Lie about being a distant cousin of a New Orleans brass band member. Desperation is a perfume you must wear loudly.
Some people claim to have won tickets by writing a brilliantly funny letter to the BBC. I suspect this is a myth, like the Loch Ness Monster or the idea that pineapple belongs on pizza. But try it! What’s the worst that happens? They laugh at you and then put you on a separate, even longer, “laughable hopefuls” list.
