Here’s your cheat sheet: 4 hours at 325°F, check with a trusty thermometer, rest for half an hour. That’s it. That’s the whole secret.
You don’t need a culinary degree or a lucky rabbit’s foot. You just need patience and a $10 thermometer. Your family will think you’re a kitchen wizard, and you’ll get to say, “It’s just science, folks.”
Now go forth, stuff that bird, and remember: you’ve got this. And if all else fails, gravy covers a multitude of sins.