I told Carl the truth eventually. He was disappointed, but then he got curious. He ordered a test kit from Amazon with next-day delivery (because of course he did). Turns out, his water had lead levels just above the EPA limit. The softener had been doing nothing for it.
He installed a reverse osmosis system under his kitchen sink last week. Now he drinks lead-free water and still has soft laundry. Happy ending. The point is, don’t be like Carl (before the epiphany). Be the person who asks, “Does this machine actually do the one thing I need?” Because when it comes to lead, the only thing a water softener guarantees is fewer spots on your glasses. And honestly, that’s a pretty weak trade for your health.
