Sexual fantasies are a normal, healthy, and necessary part of our sexuality. Although considered taboo, sexual fantasies are a way for us to gratify our wishes or conquer intrusive memories of early childhood trauma, according to psychotherapist Brett Kahr.
Although fantasies are often kept locked in our memories, studies have found that women have recurrent sexual fantasies that are common among them.
Whether they are based on past experiences or totally imaginary, sexual fantasies are prevalent among all, regardless of how people feel about them. Here are the Top 10 fantasies women have:
10. Sex With a Stranger: Most women fantasize about meeting a complete stranger and being taken to a motel and made love-to passionately. In this fantasy, women have sex uninhibitedly. The rationale for this fantasy is that women feel they can let themselves totally lose with a stranger who, most likely, they will never see again.
9. Group Sex: Women fantasize about being engaged in sex with multiple partners at the same time and being touched and penetrated by men and women simultaneously.
8. Dominating a Man: One of women’s most recurrent is to dominate men. In their fantasies, women spank, order him to perform specific sexual acts, make him beg to get what he wants, and have men suck on their stiletto shoes or some other phallic object.
7. Having Sex in Public: Many women fantasize about having an audience while having sex with their partners. In such fantasies, women feel empowered by knowing that others are getting sexually aroused about their sexual performance.
6. Being Dominated: Whether it is to resist and disobey them or to give in to their demands, women fantasize about having a master. Submission that leads to an orgasm after obeying the orders of a master, or fight him to refuse his demands only to be forced into penetration until she surrenders, is a common sexual fantasy among women.
5. Having Sex With Another Woman: Women often fantasize about touching and being touched by another woman and engaging in sexual acts with other women.
4. Exotic Professional: Women fantasize about being prostitutes or being strippers and getting paid to perform sexual acts with their clients.
3. Two Men: Many women have a recurrent fantasy about having sex with two men at the same time and being masturbated or penetrated by both men simultaneously.
2. Wear the Pants and the Penis: A common fantasy among women is to be in control by wearing a strap-on penis and penetrating men.
1. Being Taken Advantage Of: The number one sexual fantasy women have is to be innocent, naïve, and “new” at the sexual practices and be taken advantage of by a man, especially if this man is in a position of power or influence. Fantasies about rape fall in this category, in which women fantasize about being forced into having sex by a virile and expert man.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
All of the above are common sexual fantasies that women have reported to have. However, sexual fantasies do not mean that women (or men, for that matter) necessarily want to act on them. Moreover, sexual fantasies may not be in alignment with a person’s sexual orientation, for instance, a woman fantasizing about being touched by another woman. Dr. Schwartz and Dr. Masters, from the Masters and Johnson Institute, state that having a sexual fantasy, even if this fantasy is recurrent, is not an indicator of sexual orientation. For example, having homosexual fantasies does not imply that a person is homosexual. Therefore, a fantasy may not show a person’s sexual preference; a person’s stated sexual preference is what matters.
WHEN FANTASIES MAY MEAN TROUBLE
Unless fantasies become an obsession or a compulsion and take up a person’s thoughts during the day, they may be harmless. However, if fantasies become harmful to others, such as fantasies of rape, help must be sought. Also, recurrent fantasies may be a sign of something missing in the relationship. For instance, Dr. David Barlow, Founder and Director Emeritus of the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, says that fantasies may indicate that the person having them is in need of more intimacy, acceptance, or praise within the relationship. If sexual fantasies lead to distress or if the relationship is suffering because of a sexual fantasy, seek the advice of a professional.
SEXUAL FANTASIES SHARED
I fantasize about having sex with another woman. I do not like women in real life, but I fantasize about them during sex with my husband. This is not the only fantasy, but I remember it causing me some confusion until I discovered that such fantasies are normal. —Selena G., Atlanta, GA
My sexual fantasies always involve being taken passionately by a tall, dark, strong, muscular man, without questions or explanations. It turns me on! —Rebecca C., San Juan, PR
I do fantasize during lovemaking and masturbation and it involves different themes. I am sometimes in an orgy-type of situation, other times I am being fondled by multiple men, other times I am ordering my man around during sex. —Margo A., Fort Worth, TX
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