Attachment Parenting is a practice made popular by American pediatrician Dr. Bill Sears, who has written about 30 books on the subject.
If you weren’t familiar with Attachment Parenting before, you may remember it from the controversial Time magazine cover featuring a 3-year-old boy sucking on his mom’s breast.
The eight principles he proposes are:
- Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
- Feed with Love and Respect
- Respond with Sensitivity
- Use Nurturing Touch
- Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
- Provide Consistent Loving Care
- Practice Positive Discipline
- Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
These sound to be fairly straightforward. In fact, it’s common sense. Dr. Sears does not require for parents to follow a set of rules, he encourages creativity. Which is where I think the new age parents abuse the practice. It’s all about balance. For example, I try to give only organic products to my son, but sometimes I just don’t. I’m a vegetarian, he’s not. Why? Because I didn’t want to force my beliefs on a child. He will determine when he wants if he wants to follow his mother’s 19-year eating habits.
Some attachment parents practice a natural family living (NFL) lifestyle. Personally, I don’t feel less natural than parents who choose to nurse well into the toddler years, home birth, and co-sleeping, to name just a few of the NFL trademarks.
I am no Dr. Sears, but I am a mom. And I can tell you that there are some benefits of non-attachment parenting: no interrupted sleep, no one tugging at my breast, and best of all, no guilt! Here’s my take on some of the tenets of Attachment Parenting.
Pink breastfeeding Willow Sage
BREASTFEEDING
I think breast-feeding is great—for six months. If moms want to extend the time to a year, I don’t agree, but I understand. Maybe it’s my own experience with breastfeeding my four-month old right now. I’m doing it for her, not for me. I get gloomy during the process, forget endorphins in my case. But, I honestly can’t imagine a 2-year-old breastfeeding—unless you live in a very poor country and cannot afford to find food for your child. Not only because they have teeth, but also because they are aware! If it was normal in the Paleolithic era, it is not now. We have evolved! I have a few friends who have done the long-term nursing thing, and I love them—although I prefer they don’t do it in front of me.
HOMEBIRTH
This is a great choice, if you don’t have the complications I had, being a high-risk pregnancy doesn’t give me the peace of mind to pop at home. Also, I would not have done it without the drugs, I am not fond of pain, and I swear I love my kids the same as home birthing mothers love theirs. While many believe homebirth is a better choice for newborns, I believe the level of stress and pain the mom goes through is passed on to the child.
CO-SLEEPING
I only encourage this when my kids are sick or on special occasions. They need to learn to play alone and sleep alone. My little one and I have fallen asleep while I nursed; I almost hit her twice with my elbow. I fear either my husband or I will forget she’s there and roll over on her! I sleep all stressed out, and wake up with a horrible stiff neck. It cannot be good for anyone. To me, co-sleeping poses a risk for the baby, and if it’s a toddler the risk is co-dependency, and does not teach the child to be independent and confident. Plus, my husband and I need our time alone. Very important!
The American Academy of Pediatrics’ policy on SIDS prevention opposes bed-sharing with infants (though it does encourage room-sharing). The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission also warns against co-sleeping. Attachment Parenting International issued a response calling the data referenced in the Consumer Product Safety Commission as unreliable and misleading.
I quit my job for more than a year to raise my son, and it was the best decision of my life. Thank goodness I could, it was a sacrifice that affected my professional life as well as my income, but it didn’t matter. I was 24/7 with my boy and that’s what I call attachment parenting: being there for him, nurturing him every step of the way with positivity and support, but not by having him sleep with me or allowing him to roam freely as if he were a wild animal. I teach him. I enforce discipline because I want him to be a kind and well-educated human being with values. I want him to make a positive difference in the world.
My kids will choose the sports and/or instruments they want to play, they will decide what to study and what to wear, and that is enough freedom. Kids need a role model, guidance and schedules. And a whole lot of love!
1 year is enough to breastfeed your child I think. It’s not good for the baby and for you if you still breastfeed her at the age of two or three. There might be side-effects. This article must be shared for the moms out there.
^^ you have got to be kidding me. Side affects? I assure you there are no negative side effects to extended breast feeding. The only effects of are positive, as your child gets more of the magical boob juice. Even WHO has come out supporting extended breast feeding as it is very benificial. Do your research.
Side effects? Do tell. Because I’m pretty sure there aren’t any negative ones.
Breastfeeding is not a pill… there are no “side-effects”, lol (except maybe a healthier baby). I’m sorry, but that was just dumb.
WHERE did you get your completely wrong information, Coco? The world Health Organization says “Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.”
As a blogger, we have an obligation to know of what we write. If we are going to state opinions about something that has facts associated with it, that needs to be very clear. (This is what you did above).
Because of the vast benefits for long term health and well being (such as reducing cancers in both mother and baby, obesity and asthma and allergies)Breastfeeding is now recommended for one full year and longer if possible, exclusive (nothing but breastmilk) for the first six months. For example.
You cited Dr. Sears, but did not list his specific 7 baby B’s- which are a bit different than the ones you listed above.
We all make mistakes and say things that we are unaware are incorrect, but most of us make an attempt to educate ourselves about what we are writing- particularly when it comes to our most vulnerable and helpless members of society. I am happy to provide you with evidence based information about each of the points that you incorrectly spoke of above.
I know it is difficult to admit a mistake, but for the sake of babies I hope that you will.
Thank you for expressing your opinion. I disagree with 90% of what you wrote,lol, but you are entitled. I felt it was important to note two things, however: the WHO recommends nursing for much longer than 6 months. The rest of the world tends to nurse much longer than Americans. It does provide all sorts of benefits and no, does not lead to dependency. Also, attachment parenting does not advocate, nor does it mean, letting your children run wild. I would also like to say that if you are having nursing aversions, yOu may want to talk to your health care provider. It may be a sign of something else. I’ve had some, both with my first child who I nursed until 18 months when we coweaned, and with my daughter who is 8 months old. I actually see some of it connected with my mom and how she used to “push us away” (figuratively). There is some learned response I have that I should be a totally separate entity.
Pretty flimsy benefits, I think. I don’t label myself as an attachment or natural parent, but I co-sleep with and breastfeed my 20month old. The pro list for us far outweighs any negatives…each to their own and all that!
What side effects? Can you cite pertinent scientifically researched articles? Also, the above column was not an article. It was an op-ed.
Coco – Yes, there are “side effects” to prolonged breastfeeding. They include reduced rates of breast cancer for mom (according to one study, after controlling for other known influences, it’s a 4.3% reduction every 12 months of breastfeeding), reduced rates of various cancers in childhood (including lymphomas and leukemia), and a reduction in a variety of illness through the immunology of breastmilk which is consistent for at least the first two years of breastfeeding (as long as it has been examined). This doesn’t even begin to address the fact that many toddlers are “picky” eaters (up to 42% according to one study), meaning that many kids are not getting adequate nutrition, especially in our fast-food culture world. Yes, there will be children who get enough vitamins and nutrients from their food, but given many adults don’t meet that requirement, why would we think that taking away a food that is chalk full of everything kids need is a bad idea?
Look – long-term breastfeeding isn’t for everyone. In fact, most people in our culture don’t subscribe to it. AND THAT’S FINE. But please don’t suggest that women who are making other choices are making bad choices because they aren’t at all. In fact, there’s enough research to support the benefits of what they are doing so long as it works for them.
(For the record, the same can be said about co-sleeping in the original article. The fear of SIDS and overlaying has been quashed by research so long as care and precautions are taken and the fear of dependency has been thoroughly discredited with studies finding that either there is no difference between kids who co-sleep, even for extended periods, and those who do not or finding that co-sleeping kids are MORE independent.)
Hi breastfeeding more than 1 year does no harm to u or your baby. You can easily see alot of info on the internet or ask a doctor the benefits of bfeeding and mama’s milk is always the best!! So pls do not misinform people about bf!
What possible side-effects? any evidence to back up this opinion??.. The ‘side-effects’ I’ve seen in my own children are: easily comforted when upset, healthy and easily fight illness or infections, don’t get de-hydrated when ill because they will always breastfeed even if they can’t keep food down (not that the’re ill often at all, and usually seem to bounce back quickly when they are), happy and content.. I could go on. There is no evidence prestented here, just one person’s opinion which is not based on any facts. If she doesn’t want to breastfeed past 6 months or co-sleep etc then that’s up to her but why I don’t see what gives her the right to judge/comment on other peoples choices without any evidence to back it up. The comments about breastfeeding are rediculous! What on earth does having ‘milk’ teeth have to do with duration of breastfeeding? We have not ‘evolved’ since attachment parenting was the norm . We’re the same species with the same needs. Our values/society may have changed but that doesn’t mean our babies no longer need breastmilk!!