Role Play Can Improve Your Sex Life

role play improve sex life

As women juggle more responsibilities in everyday life, their sex lives may suffer. However, the good news is that women are also becoming more empowered in the bedroom, taking more ownership of their sex lives and changing the male-centered sex life approach into one that incorporates more of their needs. Role playing is one tool that can help revamp your sex life.

The results of a study of 4,200 women found that four in five women like to dress up for their sexual partners and engage in role playing. Among the most popular costumes were the French maid, which was reported to be used by 42% of the participants, followed by the nurse’s costume which was worn by 25% of women. Additionally, 16% of couples preferred a police woman’s uniform.

There are many benefits to role playing.

  • Role Play Promotes Intimacy: The study mentioned above found that today women are having less sex than ever before due to the demands on their time. Nonetheless, women take advantage of every opportunity they have to maximize their sexual experience. Women are taking more ownership of their sex lives because they want the intimacy and sex is a great way to strengthen the bond between partners.

My husband and I engage in role play occasionally. I am usually the one who dresses up, but he also comes up with situations that we enact. It is fun, and it keeps our marriage from boredom. —Delilah C., San Diego, CA

I love to dress up to entice my husband. He likes it when I put on lingerie or costumes and seduce him. We have the best sex when that happens! —Bella A., Dallas, TX

  • Role Play Enhances Communication: It takes a lot of communication and trust to expose your deepest and darkest fantasies with somebody, says Cynthia Gentry. Moreover, asking for what you want requires open and honest communication. Losing your inhibitions will promote the strengthening of the communication between women and their sexual partners.

You don’t have to spend too much time and energy in making role play part of your sex life. Here are a few suggestions:

  • The Power of Accessories: Pick some sexy shoes you own and wear them during sex; do not take them off. Or wear some bling and do not take it off during sex (like Rose wearing the Heart of the Ocean in the movie Titanic during the scene in which Jack Dawson is painting her).
  • Use Your Words: Greet him in the bedroom with a plot. Tell him he looks ill and that you need to check his temperature. Pretend you don’t know him and ask him to introduce himself and continue to act your part.
  • Use Make-up (Not Just on Your Face): A friend of mine shared a story with me recently. Karen used one of those lasting lipsticks to paint her nipples bright pink and waited for her husband naked under the covers. “Why do your nipples look so bright and pink?”, he asked. “I don’t know”, she replied, “maybe they are too excited to see you!” Her sex that night was amazing, she recalls.
  • Hide a “Tattoo”: Lola waited for her husband one night to come to bed. When he arrived, she told him: “I got a tattoo.” Not being too fond of tattoos, he was surprised and asked where it was. She said: “It’s very small. You will have to look for it.” Lola had not gotten a tattoo but the treasure hunt led to, not only her husband’s discovery of no tattoo on the premises, but also a night of intense passion for a couple that has been married 28 years.
  • Get Down to Business: If you have a business suit, use it to act out a part. Secretary, naughty boss, or an inspector are all possible roles to play in business attire.


  • Start With Something Subtle: You don’t have to spend massive amounts of money or spend a lot of energy searching in specialty stores to begin.
  • Use Your Stuff: Bandanas can be used as handcuffs or as a blindfold.
  • Take It Out of the Bedroom: Just by changing scenes, your sex can take on a different dimension. Laundry room, garage, home office, the bathroom are all great places to spice up your sex life and allow for some role play that naturally emerges from the situation.

Men would be wise to read the following comments and learn from them. Women do not want to be the only ones playing dress up or playing a role. So get a uniform or just a hat, but get creative.

Although I like to dress up and role play, it seems as though it is always my job to dress up, come up with the stories and the costuming. I enjoy it, it is worth it when we do it but, as a mother, wife, professional, I find it time and energy-consuming to be the mastermind of role playing all of the time. I would like for my husband to surprise me dressed up as a firefighter or something like that for once. —Maria C., San Juan, PR

Men want women to role play. It seems it is always our job to revive our sex life. I am not opposed to the idea of role play, and I have done it, but my husband will not be that creative. I get discouraged to do it based on his reluctance to initiate a role playing session. Men should know that women want to be surprised too. —Marie B., Chicago, IL

The media has led us to believe that women are the ones who role play. It should be both partners’ jobs to spice up a relationship. —Ana V., San Antonio, TX

You can enjoy an enhanced sex life by using your acting skills. You may not win an Oscar, but you may reach higher heights in your sex life.

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