Creation Station. Fur Burger. Beef Curtain. Beaver. Bearded Clam. This is just a small sampling of comedic euphemisms used to describe a woman’s vagina, which is a) testament to a how fundamentally whimsical sexuality can be and b) how ridiculous our brains can actually get when it comes to talking about our anatomies.
To many, the word vagina comes across as clinical, academic, boring or just plain wrong. Yet, the more casual alternatives out there, most of which are considered obscenities (the infamous C word, and the P word)—are not really any better. Even the most sexually liberated among us can shudder when they have to divulge something about their vulva, because it is precisely crotch-centric words like vulva that make talking about our…um…business…so awkward.
In the midst of this identity crisis of the cooch, we offer the following list. In it you will find nomenclature for your nether regions, with some context showing their history and/or use.
Bearded Clam—This phrase is as garish as it is funny as it is true. After all, it is oftentimes clammy and bearded. Who is going to argue with that?
Beaver—This term was famously popularized by actor Leslie Neilson in the film Naked Gun, when his love interest (Priscilla Presley) climbs stairs to her attic in a short red dress and he compliments her by saying, “Nice beaver”—to which she says, “Thanks, I just had it stuffed,” and then hands him an actual taxidermied beaver.
Box—This is one to watch out for at work, because if you happen to say something innocent like: “sure, just pop it in my box,” you will invariably hear a “that’s what she said” from the pervert in the room.
Chocha—With her hit song, “Work It,” Missy Elliott, the notoriously edgy hip-hop producer-ess, exposed it to the mainstream with the lyric, call before you come, I need to shave my chocha.
Coochie—As dictionary.com tells it, the word cooch can be defined as “a sinuous, quasi-oriental dance performed by a woman, and characterized chiefly by suggestive gyrating and shaking of the body—which would explain from where coochie was born.
Fur Pie/Fur Burger—Darlene from Roseanne might opt for these types of phrases when referring to her junk. Come to think of it, she would probably just say junk.
Hoo-Ha—The first known use of this word was in the year 1931, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, and is said to come from the Yiddish hu-ha, or uproar, which is what sometimes ensues in a man’s mind when he falls deeply in love with a woman. We like it because it sounds like something Al Pacino would say.
Lady Flower—This term is for the consummate princess, the maiden, the ingénue, the dainty one—she who is too shy to utter any of the above.
Muff—This one is from the old school, a classic, the quasi-clean way of referring to the she-shrubs.
Poonani—According to UrbanDictionary.com, this word comes from the slang term for vagina in Tswana, which is an African language in Botswana. It’s the one to use when you’re in a Rihanna kind of mood.
Vajayjay—They say if you want something to become famous, you have to get in on Oprah—which is exactly how this term came to the fore. Mother O herself was among the first to utter the infamous word, not only creating a national frenzy, but also making your vagina sound like a character out of 227.
And finally, a list of the more obscure appellations for our lady groves, terms that will make you laugh before they can make you blush: Old Mossy Face, Honey Pot, Carnal Canyon, Brown Madam, Hog Eye, Snake Charmer, Wet Weasel, Socket, Twitcher, Venus Highway, and our personal favorite…Victoria’s Secret.