All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his. —Oscar Wilde
We’ve all had them. Those moments when you open your mouth and, almost paranormally, your mother’s voice comes out. And it’s saying those things. You know, the things you promised yourself you’d never, ever say when you became a mom? You realize, with horror, that you’ve just said something to your child that may not even be true and yet some ancient, primal instinct has given your voice a ring of authenticity that only a mother can procure. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?
First of all, don’t panic. Know that you are not alone. To paraphrase Oprah paraphrasing Maya Angelou: “When you know better, you do better.” So, in the interest of helping us all “do better,” we here at Mamiverse have decided to shed some light on 10 of the most common consejos and “Mommyisms” that plague the modern mom. So here, in time for Mother’s Day, and in no particular order are:
THE MAMIVERSE TOP TEN LIST OF “MOMMYISMS”
In other words, true beauty comes from the inside. A hard one to swallow when you’re angling for that spray tan before senior prom but, yeah, this one pretty much turns out to be true. No pun intended.
My grandma (who had kind of a shady past) used to say this all the time to her four daughters and five granddaughters. Of course, we would never have dared to tell her that studies have shown that children are far more likely to model their parents’ actions than to follow verbal directives. That’s because my grandma backed up her directives with her chancla.
Although I can’t cite any actual scientific studies, all of my male friends (including my husband) assure me they have thoroughly tested this hypothesis and, as you may have guessed, they have found it to be a proven “non-starter.” Of course, that’s not to say I won’t be telling this one to my son in a few years.
Once again, I can’t find any scientific evidence to back this up. I can only speak from personal experience. While I sincerely hope it never happens to you, I can recall at least a half dozen times I’ve said a quick and fervent prayer of gratitude to La Virgen, Baby Jesus and all the saints that I remembered to put on clean underwear before leaving home that day. Just trust me on this one.
I don’t even know where to begin here. As the mother of a daughter I must admit that a teensy part of me agrees with the sentiment behind this one. But the modern woman in me just can’t stomach the idea of comparing my daughter to livestock. Especially when I know plenty of “cows” who held out for their farmer, only to find themselves dumped in a pasture without a stud (I’m just lucky I found a man who’s as committed to me as I am to that metaphor!).
While some studies have shown that people who make their beds are happier, I was really hoping that I could find some data to justify my laziness when it comes to making my bed. Lucky for me, I did! According to the BBC, “Research suggests that while an unmade bed may look scruffy it is also unappealing to house dust mites thought to cause asthma and other allergies. A Kingston University study discovered the bugs cannot survive in the warm, dry conditions found in an unmade bed.” Good enough for me!
Okay, I realize that this sounds like a total crock to a kid. Most of us grownups know that sometimes people are mean because they’re jealous of you. Other times? They’re just plain mean. But that’s a difficult concept to explain to a kid. So this one’s only half a crock.
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but yes.
I remember hearing this as a kid and wondering why, if I did start to cramp, I couldn’t just get out of the pool. According to MedicineNet’s Melissa Stoppler, MD, “While it’s true that the digestive process does divert the circulation of the blood toward the gut and to a certain extent, away from the muscles, the fact is that an episode of drowning caused by swimming on a full stomach has never been documented.” So what the good doctor is saying is: There is no reason for a mom to utter this one ever again.
I’ve got nothing here, people. None of us has a leg to stand on when it comes to “Because I said so!” Still, I can pretty much guarantee that every single one of us will shout this at our child at some point. Why? Because I said so, that’s why.
I hope this list will help you the next time your mom’s voice threatens to escape from your lips. I’m sure you must have many “Mommyisms” of your own-please share them with us! On behalf of everyone here at Mamiverse, I’d like to wish us all a very Happy Mother’s Day!
Wishing you love with extra cheese—