Sure, we can laugh about it…now. But we’ve all had that devastating, sickening or mortifying moment when we knew this guy was not The One. The relationship that started out so promising came to a grinding halt the minute we realized that he had major skeletons in his closet, major baggage (like a wife and kids!), major dependency or some otherwise major deal-breaker. Check, please!
Though I could probably compile a book on doomed relationships just by drawing on my own extensive library of experiences, I asked friends and colleagues to share their “doomed from the start” moments with me. And boy, did they have some doozies! Here are some of the winners.
I KNEW IT WAS OVER WHEN…
I found a pair of women’s sunglasses in our car, and he explained that he’d given a coworker a ride home from work. A few days later, I found her panties…in our bed. The divorce was final a couple of months later. —Carla, Washington, DC
I was dating a guy who seemed very intellectual and creative, and we were crazy about each other. Maybe a month or so into the relationship, he told me he loved me while we were shooting pool in a loud, smoky bar. Romantic, right? Then went into the bathroom to force himself to throw up so he could drink more beer. —Liz, Tampa, FL
I found myself scraping rat s**t, dead roaches, and rotten corn out of a dark pit on his dad’s farm while he drank a beer and watched from above. That was the first and last time I dated a guy who grew up on a farm. —Amalia, Aurora, CO
I was 18, he was 30. Already not a great start, right? We’d gone on a few dates, and he always brought flowers and took me to nice places. Then one day he showed up to take me to the beach, and he was wearing shorts and clogs. Okay, I thought, he’s German. They wear clogs. Then at the beach, he stripped down to a tight, red & white striped Speedo. I was horrified. Plus I was used to skinny 18-year-old boys grinding their hipbones on me through their Levis, and he had a beer gut spilling over his spandex! Then he kissed me, and all I could think about was how old his lips and tongue were! I spent the next several hours trying to swim away from him, and that was our last date. I later found out he’d lied about his age and was actually 35. —Anna, Fort Myers, FL
I’d been communicating with this cool, handsome guy I met online and we were really into each other. We lived in different cities but finally arranged to meet. We had a great time and before leaving he took my hand and said he wanted to see me again on the weekend. 15 minutes later he texted me: ‘I´ve loved meeting you! I hope to see you again soon!’ In the meantime, we friended each other on Facebook, and there are all these photos of him with some sexy blonde woman. Another text arrives from him: ‘I can’t wait to see you again and see where this leads.’ So I asked him about the woman in the photos. His reply? ‘Yes she’s my girlfriend…but what’s the problem??? Can’t we see each other and talk about it?’ I blocked his number after that! —Pamela, Madrid, Spain
Read Related: Relationship Disasters: I’ve Had Them Too!
My dog maimed a rat in my backyard, but didn’t kill it. I called my boyfriend, who lived a few streets over, certain that when I told him what happened he’d offer to come put the rat out of its misery. Instead, he said, “Well what are you going to do?” I knew then he wasn’t my knight in shining armor. So I put the rat in a paper bag, then a plastic bag, then another plastic bag, and hit it with a shovel until I was sure it was dead. But the poor rat wasn’t the only one I wanted to hit with a shovel. —Karrie, Boston, MA
We’d been dating for several weeks when he invited me—by mistake—to friend him on Facebook. Except when I saw his page, he had a different first and last name, and a photo of himself with his wife and baby! I reported him to Facebook for creating a fake profile! —Veronica, Los Angeles, CA
He told me he’d broken up with his girlfriend. And I guess he told her there was nothing going on between the two of us, but that I was obsessed and stalking him. She called me up screaming into the phone that I was a whore, that I was crazy, and that I’d never have him. They later married, and she left him for his best friend. Poetic justice served! —Lisa, Berkeley, CA
This was back in the days before call waiting and caller ID. He called my house one night, and the line was busy. He refused to speak to me for three days, I guess because I’d not been sitting by the phone, waiting for his call, and telepathically knowing whether it was him or someone else calling me. What a baby! —Gloria, Houston, TX
I traveled across the Atlantic to meet a guy my sister had hooked me up with online. He sent me pictures of himself where he looked kind of intriguing and sexy. He was a financial planner, had cats, was sporty, wanted a relationship. So, I get off the plane and I´m scouting the horizon in search of this tall, hot guy…I hear my name! Oh man…he was short…I could see his bald spot (which was very well concealed in his pictures), and had buck teeth…NOTHING like his pictures. Yes, he had money, a Porsche, and ran marathons, but when he tried holding my hand in the car I flinched. Enter his house, and the smell of air freshener almost suffocated me, and all his fluffy cats were declawed which made me want to kill him. So he shows me to his room, and I’m like…um, guest room? He tried to kiss me and I almost vomited. I called my sister crying! But I stayed for a week and he was a gentleman. We never saw each other again. —Rachel, Barcelona, Spain
And to think, this is just a small sampling of all the “doomed from the start” stories out there! Want to share yours? Use the comments section below!